My Body Struggles

This post is going to be a bit more personal, and I feel vulnerable and fresh because I feel comfortable enough to share this.

To give you a picture, I was quite small in frame, still kind of am, and was underweight. Every time I ate, I’d get full quick with a small meal because my body was used to eating small portions. Whenever I did get hungry, I’d suppress it by distracting myself with video games, homework, or with art. Mind you, I wasn’t trying to get skinnier, but actually trying to gain weight. My body was just accommodated to getting in small portions and thinking that was enough. So even though I think I ate enough, I really wasn’t.

Even though I wasn’t comfortable with my body, I wasn’t the only one to notice that I had a problem. In high school, my homeroom teacher would point out that I looked like a waif. She’d ask me if I was eating. Sometimes I’d walk into class with Starbucks, and she told me something the lines of, “that’s good that you have that. Keep eating.” She wasn’t the healthiest of people to tell me this, and I understood her concern. It still made me uncomfortable because my body was one of my biggest insecurities. Sometimes I’d cry myself to sleep because my metabolism was just too fast, small meals made me full, and it was hard for myself to gain weight.

After high school, I got a job, and twice I’ve had customers in the two months I worked there comment on my body. One old man saying, “you’ll never find love with that kind of body. You need to eat.” Then another woman saying, “you should come over to my house, I’ll feed you.” I understood their intentions, but they’re not my doctor. I was there to take their order, not talk about my personal issues.

I always see posts about how fat shaming is a huge thing. Skinny shaming is glossed over. Also, I’d like to add that just because you’re skinny, it doesn’t mean all your problems go away. Become fit, and healthy. That’s what I’d want for everyone to try to achieve. The models you see strutting down the Victoria’s Secret runway are skinny, but they are fit. They train intensively almost everyday with a trainer to make sure they are toned, fit, and looking sharp. A person who is underweight would not have the energy to be able to do anything of those sorts and always have a short of breath.

I am proud of my efforts today. I am still striving to become healthier and more fit each day, and since gained fifteen pounds. Also, you can still look slim, but weigh a lot because muscle weighs more than body fat. Though I still appear to be on the thin side, no where as slim looking as I did before, I have higher energy levels, my body is more toned, and have gained some muscle. This motivates me to not give up, and to always improve. To not succumb to the words told by family, friends, strangers, and teachers that my body looked gross, and instead used that to push myself harder. You can be comfortable being skinny, being fat, or being average. Though, I am a person who loves to achiever greater and better.

I love the feeling of completing a killer workout, and thinking, wow! I could not do that before. I love seeing my body change every week because of the love I am putting into it. You only have one body for life, so treat it right. I was tired of complaining, crying and not doing anything about it. I turned the pain in passion, and put that passion into becoming a better me.

Stay strong. When they throw you to the wolves, come back leading the pack.

xoxo

-momo

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